Date: 2008-04-18 03:39 pm (UTC)
"It's snoring, River. Snoring isn't dangerous."

"It gives me an uncomfortableness."

"Please don't quote Jayne. I don't think I can take it on top of the snoring."

The horrible noise was ten times louder now that River had opened the door, and louder still when Simon, Kaylee, and River stepped out into the corridor. Inara was there, in a silk dressing gown, looking as if composure had never been more of an effort. "Can you hear it in your shuttle, 'Nara?" Kaylee asked.

"People in other galaxies can hear it," Inara said. "Who is it? It must be Mal. Only Mal could snore so annoyingly."

"What's the matter, Inara? Don't tell me none of your clients snore. Or is it different when you're getting paid to listen to it?"

"Difficulty," River said, as Inara turned to glare and Mal stepped, fully dressed, into the corridor.

"You don't know the half of it, little one," he said. "What? No bets on whether it's Jayne or the preacher?"

"It's not the preacher," Book said. "I was just getting my hair under control before I came out here."

"Thank goodness," River said.

"Yes, well," Book said. "Perhaps Jayne would be willing to get up in exchange for someone doing his chores, so the rest of us can get some sleep."

But at that moment the barrel of a gun appeared, followed by the rest of Jayne. "What the good gorram... Oh, hi, Mal."

"Planning on shooting someone for snoring?" Mal asked, but before he could answer, Inara spoke.

"Wash?" she said. "I never would have thought Wash could snore like that."

"People are surprising," Mal said. "I reckon I'd better do something so we can get some sleep."

The snoring had, if anything, gotten louder, to the point that the deck plates almost seemed to be vibrating. They followed the sound to Wash and Zoe's cabin.

"How can Zoe sleep through it?" Kaylee shouted, bending close to Simon's ear. "Did you give her sleeping pills or something?"

"She can't be asleep," Simon shouted back. "Those decibels are approaching hearing damage."

"Mal, please," Inara said.

"I'll take care of it," Jayne said. "Let me at the little curly-haired..."

But at that moment, the door opened and Wash stepped outside. The rest of them watched Jayne come to the realization that the snoring was still going on.

"Wash?" Inara said.

"Right, I can't take it any more," he said. "Mal?"

"Right," Mal said. "ALLYNE! UP AND AT 'EM! WE GOT TWENTY MILES TO MARCH TODAY!"

There was one last snore, which cut off quickly. Simon rubbed his ears.

"Just so you know," Wash said, his voice sounding unnaturally loud in the silence, "this would be the time to run away."

To a man, or woman, they bolted.

"Don't wait around to thank me or anything," Mal said to the empty corridor. "Honestly, the things I do for this crew."
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