Yeah, just like that.

I was going to write a long and detailed post about friendships and false friendships and friendships of convenience, but even thinking about it gave me a headache I'd rather not endure. But still, the thoughts linger and I'm bound to have to get them out of my system.

We look at friends and at friends lists here and at DW, and we think about the people who matter to us and the way our lives intersect and cross back and forth. I look at the times I pour my heart out here and most of the people who have me on their lists never so much as bother to acknowledge, never mind comment in turn, but expect me to comment when they do the same, and it all starts to ring so false after a while. I'm not just talking about random acquaintances here but people I actually consider friends, at least on some level. It leads me to ask questions like why are you here or better yet, why are you pretending to be here when you don't care? and I ask myself the same about some of the people whose journals I follow but don't or can't really read for one reason or another. In the interest of honesty -- something I'm fairly big on -- that number is incredibly small. Like... 2 or 3.

I guess the bottom line is that I've got a gun... in my heart in my heart, I know who my true friends are. I don't need a journal or comments or lack thereof to figure it out. Still, it stings when someone I thought was a friend turns out not to be, and no matter how old I get, it doesn't sting any less. You'd think I would have learned by now.